Now What?
Over the summer, as the world felt the shock waves of Michael Jackson's sudden death, an uncomfortable and disturbing story emerged on what may be a very dark side to the life of the “King of Pop.”
Details of anorexia, prescription and non-prescription drug abuse, and a physical decline that some said left him unable to perform EVER AGAIN… no less the fifty concerts scheduled to begin at London's O2 Arena in a few weeks.
Of course, this event sparked many conversations of the similarity between Mr. Jackson and yet another king thirty-two years earlier. I'm speaking, of course, of the “King of Rock and Roll”, Elvis Presley. In each case, there was an aging star… making a comeback. Each had a Doctor Feelgood… and the biggest entourage of medical and personal assistants that money could buy.
And I'm sure if you spoke with the physicians, they would tell you that they were just treating the illness… the pain… the trauma. Unfortunately, they were treating only the symptoms of drug addiction with more drugs, which now has lead to talk of murder. They weren't addressing the core issues, in Presley's case food addiction and obesity… and in Jackson's case, anorexia and insomnia.
The real sadness in each of these stories, however, is the fact that such an end was so unnecessary… indeed, so preventable. Just like those in your neighborhood, your place of work or worship… or your family.
Indeed, addiction kills… but only if it's allowed to run its course.
You see, addiction never exists without leaving evidence. Certainly, there were people who were close to these “kings”… people who had inside knowledge of the breakdown of the men and their amazing talents… people who did nothing.
Yes, sadly… with the rich and famous there are always those who are only along for the financial ride. But let's not be distracted by the circumstances surrounding celebrity… for there is plenty of pain to go around… and plenty of mistakes that are made.
What if you or a loved one are living with addiction… to food, or alcohol and drugs. Or maybe gambling, smoking, sex or pornography?
What now..?
There are three areas where families and loved ones typically make critical errors. 1) They do the wrong things, 2) they do nothing, or 3) they enable the addiction and behavior to continue.
Over the next few weeks we'll break down each of these… and give you hope for the future. We'll begin today the the first one… doing the wrong things.
Of all the things you can do when it comes to addiction… doing the wrong thing may be the easiest… simply because there are just so many wrong things you can do.
You see, unfortunately, most people start off badly and never recover. They don't get involved in recovery at the first sign of danger… in fact, most don't know they're on the road to addiction to begin with.
Often, the first hints of addiction within the family are met by the family's own form of denial. And by the time their loved one's problem REALLY becomes a problem… well, it's now blown up to become everyone's problem… it's one big public mess.
And the emotional roller coaster has begun… EMBARRASSMENT followed by FRUSTRATION leading to BLAME and GUILT and SHAME. The damage done at this stage can be virtually irreparable… and the pain and distress WAY beyond the scope that most families can manage on their own.
It is FAR too explosive… FAR too emotional.
The family doesn't know what to do. They go to the library… ask a friend… search the Internet… all for text-book solutions to unique and extraordinary challenges. Finding none, they try to wrest back control… issuing ultimatums that are not enforced… arguing with and condemning the addict… drawing up sides.
And as the relationships break down… the little influence they may once have had… is lost.
Bitterness replaces forgiveness… confrontation and punishment become the plan. They ostracize… and humiliate… tough love, it's called… let ‘em hit bottom… that's what the book said.
Now, here is a caution from the experience of more than 35 years, and over 9000 successfully treated patients.
There are no text-book cases.
You must be prepared for what I'm going to say next. Yes, you can hope… and yes, you should pray… but in the middle of this process… it is likely that you'll find out that everything you thought you knew about addiction… was wrong.
At this stage, doing the wrong thing is a poor strategy, and learning by trial and error may cost you everything.
I look forward to speaking with you.
Shelly Baron
In private practice for more than 35 years, Shelly Baron has successfully treated over 9000 patients. His unique approach guides families through the minefield of addiction recovery… eliminating critical mistakes often made in the highly-charged environments surrounding addiction. He also maintains a significant tele-practice for those at a distance. Call Shelly at (920) 339-9177 for immediate help, or visit www.shellybaron.com.
Integrating Leadership and Marketing, Steve Buelow teaches small business professionals and individuals to increase their influence, impact... and profitability. A successful husband and homeschool dad, Steve is an entrepreneur with a focus on growth, relationships and teamwork, whose start-up companies have grown to over 14,000 employees through repeat and referral business.
Reach Steve at (888) 886-0121 or visit www.stevebuelow.com.
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